Illegal Dopes?

I've been doing a bunch of research on substances banned by the World Anti-Doping Association lately. (Yeah, that's right. Some people experiment with elicit substances. Others get their kicks researching them instead. Back off.) Anyway, I stumbled into a couple weird smaller lists at the end of the big WADA list that I thought you might enjoy. Firstly, here's a list of sports that ban alcohol:

Alcohol (ethanol) is prohibited In-Competition only, in the following sports. Detection will be conducted by analysis of breath and/or blood. The doping violation threshold (haematological values) is 0.10 g/L. 

• Aeronautic (FAI)
• Archery (FITA)
• Automobile (FIA)
• Karate (WKF)
• Motorcycling (FIM)
• Powerboating (UIM)

I can understand the inclusion of most of these, including archery cuz no one likes a drunk with a bow and arrow, especially if you've taken to wearing an apple on your head, which I understand is the fashion in the American deep south, where carousing archers often spend their holidays.

That said, I do not understand the inclusion of karate. It has been my understanding (and perhaps my experience) that drinking alcohol does not improve your martial arts technique. In fact, I find it to be somewhat impairing - unless, of course, you're Jackie Chan, as proven in Drunken Master II, but that wouldn't be right to ban a substance purely to inhibit the performance of one person.

Sports banning beta-blockers are also pretty interesting:

Unless otherwise specified, beta-blockers are prohibited In-Competition only, in the following sports. 

• Aeronautic (FAI)
• Archery (FITA) (also prohibited Out-of-Competition)
• Automobile (FIA)
• Billiards (all disciplines) (WCBS)
• Boules (CMSB)
• Bridge (FMB)
• Darts (WDF)
• Golf (IGF)
• Ninepin and Tenpin Bowling (FIQ)
• Powerboating (UIM)
• Shooting (ISSF, IPC) (also prohibited Out-of-Competition)
• Skiing/Snowboarding (FIS) in ski jumping, freestyle aerials/halfpipe and
snowboard halfpipe/big air

(Before I continue, I want to point out how rad it is that an official WADA document actually uses the term "big air.")

I've always known beta blockers for their ability to help people with cardiovascular conditions, but apparently, they slow your heartbeat, keeping you cool in stressful situations. (Armed with this knowledge, I now plan to take beta blockers before any and all first and second dates. I will cease for date three, given a known "below the belt" side effect of this particular substance.)

According to the New York Times, they're the go-to drug for symphony musicians who want to chill out, which explains why rock 'n' roll replaced classical as the popular music of choice. Maybe if Keith Richards or Ace Frehley had a word with the Metropolitan Opera orchestra, they could turn things around a little for the genre - or at least make La Boheme a little more exciting.

So with that in mind, I understand most of these bans (although bowling is a bit of a stretch). But the one I don't get is bridge. Really? Keeping in mind that the only people I've ever known who play bridge are my grandmother and, well, everyone else's grandmother, it seems to me that banning heart medication is tantamount to banning your primary playing demographic. I look forward to the day that some rogue geriatric bridge champ makes the cover of Sports Illustrated for poppin' Lopressor between rubbers.

I hope they pose her next to Mark McGwire. I'd buy a lifetime subscription.